It was lonely. Much lonelier than she could have ever imagined. It felt as if all others on the planet had vanished, leaving her wandering once busy streets and byways in solitude. Does anyone hear you scream if you’re completely alone? She wondered.
She had dug herself into a hole she could no longer see out of. It was never supposed to end up like this, she thought. It was always supposed to be fun.
At least that’s what your addiction wants you to believe. There’s always a moment, in retrospect, when you realize the fun has stopped being… fun. Your brain finally stops responding to the fun chemicals floating around the brain, and thinks, SCREW THIS! THIS CANNOT BE FUN!
But at the time, it’s all good, right? Keep the booze flowing and the pills rolling. A high tolerance is a sign of seniority, a sense that you can handle your shit. It never occurs to you that your body is slowly shutting down, shutting you out of it.
At that moment, she realized the depth of her disease. Could she ever make it out? Only time would tell. Until then, a moment, a breath, a heartbeat at a time was the only way she could imagine success.